Moving Along (The AMG SHTCI Experience)

It was quite mind-numbing staying here inside this school, to be honest I’d rather count flies than be in this “prison”. My companions are the only one who fuels my will to stay here. These guys are like me, they are here because they want to study or they have no choice because their parents forced them to stay. Well I wasn’t forced that’s for sure but I have no choice (I’m not getting any younger so I might as well finish college).

There are times when we hold the Sunday Service and my mind was not on the message of the Pastor but what was happening outside the school. While everyone was singing worship songs, the hair on my whole body would rise (this is not me, this could not be happening). But then as the saying goes, “the only constant thing about tomorrow is change”. But after a few weeks I would sing with all of the audience every Sunday and I’m always looking forward on the gospel of the day. I don’t know what has gotten into me but I’m afraid to admit myself that something in me was changed.

Twisted logic, I now brand my old philosophy as that. I lived the majority of my life clinging on my simple cause; “live only for myself”. Who cares what happens to others, as long as I have what I want. I usually brand people who are close to God as hypocrites. I was bitter back then, as a boy who was raised by a single mom, I grew up alone and without the guidance of my father. He was abducted and unreasonably murdered when I was three. When I was in High School I would cut or leave classes not because of vices like drinking, but for the reason that I have to go out there to work so I can have some money for my schooling. I learned early on that life is hard and I found out that in order so survive I need to rely on myself. Maybe that’s the reason I came to lose my faith in God.

But then my stay here inside this institution taught me an important lesson; to walk by faith, don’t lean on your own understanding but trust in the Lord. At first I wasn’t really accepting that fact, mom usually says that (yeah after leaving me and my sister behind when she got married to that guy, she has the guts to say that in front of me) and I would turn my back on her every time she do. I gradually accepted the truth that I need to remove my bitterness inside me, and I soon forgiven mom and all the people whom I hated these past years.

I wasn’t really that bored as days goes by, I came to accept the truth about myself. Like a friend told me long time ago “there’s no such thing as coincidence”, everything was well – planned by God.

Up to know I’m still wondering about a lot of things in life, and I hope that my stay in this place would help me unravel the answers.

By the way... I'm not human..